So, L&LS society, I was thinking... If 5 cents can save a childs life, wouldn't it, y'know, be a better idea to keep the Nickles rather then sending them out in random letters?
Just, y'know, throwing that out there for you.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
An open letter to the American public
Goddammit you assholes. Shit like this is EXACTLY what's wrong with the country today. Why, in the name of Dante's nine hells, is Lady Gaga even ON this fucking list? More imporantly, why are you people even VOTING for her?! Jeebus H. Laserchrist, people, she's a fucking *POP STAR*. At least Gabe and Tycho of Penny Arcade started a yearly charity for sick kids.
So, in conclusion: FUCK YOU GUYS. I'm going home.
Sincerely,
Liquid Horatio X
So, in conclusion: FUCK YOU GUYS. I'm going home.
Sincerely,
Liquid Horatio X
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sonics Ultimate Genesis Collection
So, I recently picked this up for the seXBox 360. A few thoughts:
Pro's:
-Some of SEGA's greatest Genesis games, like Phantasy Star 2 and 4, Both Shining Forces (Before SEGA turned it into a goddamn action series. WHY DID YOU DO THIS, SEGA?! RAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!), All three Streets of Rage (Quite possibly the greatest beat 'em ups for the console), Dynamite Headdy, and Shinobi III.
-Some great arcade games as unlockables, such as the original Arcade Shinobi, Space Harrier, and Altered Beast (A long time favorite of mine)
-Practically no load times
-Only 20 bucks.
Con's
-No Revenge of Shinobi, and no Sonic and Knuckles 3 (Though it's sorts of understandable with Sonic and Knuckles 3, as the development team cited that it was either not include it due to development time, or not include several other games, including the unlockables)
-Altered Beast for the Genesis. Fuck, Sega... Why the hell do you keep insisting on putting this shitty game in every collection, especially when you always include the far superior Arcade version? This was taking up space that could have been used for Revenge of Shinobi.
-No arcade version of Golden Axe. Once again, the arcade version is superior. They should have just put this on there and forgot the original. Or better yet, just drop all the genesis versions of the Golden Axe games (Which wern't that good, really) and give us The Revenge of Death Adder, the best game in the series. Hell, I'd pay 20 bucks for that alone.
-Sonic 3D Blast? Really? Did we really need this? Geezus, why didn't you just include some razor blades while you were at it?
-Lack of art. We could have really used more then just a box screenshot and cartridge screenshot.
-GODDAMNIT. Whoever decided to have Phantasy Star unlocked by requiring a second player with Sonic 2, FUCK YOU, you ASSHOLE.
Conclusion:
If you haven't already rushed out to buy this once I mentioned Shining Force 1 and 2, then your dead to me. Plus, Phantasy Star 2, 4, and the Streets of Rage games. Why are you still reading this?! GO GET IT!
Pro's:
-Some of SEGA's greatest Genesis games, like Phantasy Star 2 and 4, Both Shining Forces (Before SEGA turned it into a goddamn action series. WHY DID YOU DO THIS, SEGA?! RAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!), All three Streets of Rage (Quite possibly the greatest beat 'em ups for the console), Dynamite Headdy, and Shinobi III.
-Some great arcade games as unlockables, such as the original Arcade Shinobi, Space Harrier, and Altered Beast (A long time favorite of mine)
-Practically no load times
-Only 20 bucks.
Con's
-No Revenge of Shinobi, and no Sonic and Knuckles 3 (Though it's sorts of understandable with Sonic and Knuckles 3, as the development team cited that it was either not include it due to development time, or not include several other games, including the unlockables)
-Altered Beast for the Genesis. Fuck, Sega... Why the hell do you keep insisting on putting this shitty game in every collection, especially when you always include the far superior Arcade version? This was taking up space that could have been used for Revenge of Shinobi.
-No arcade version of Golden Axe. Once again, the arcade version is superior. They should have just put this on there and forgot the original. Or better yet, just drop all the genesis versions of the Golden Axe games (Which wern't that good, really) and give us The Revenge of Death Adder, the best game in the series. Hell, I'd pay 20 bucks for that alone.
-Sonic 3D Blast? Really? Did we really need this? Geezus, why didn't you just include some razor blades while you were at it?
-Lack of art. We could have really used more then just a box screenshot and cartridge screenshot.
-GODDAMNIT. Whoever decided to have Phantasy Star unlocked by requiring a second player with Sonic 2, FUCK YOU, you ASSHOLE.
Conclusion:
If you haven't already rushed out to buy this once I mentioned Shining Force 1 and 2, then your dead to me. Plus, Phantasy Star 2, 4, and the Streets of Rage games. Why are you still reading this?! GO GET IT!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
In defense of the health bar
So, I'm a longtime gamer. I grew up in the days of the atari, received my first NES back when it was originally released (And you could get the woefully underused Rob the Robot), cut my gaming teeth on classic games such as Final Fantasy, Thexder, and Heroes Quest (Before it was renamed Quest for Glory with the release of Trial By Fire), and so on. I saw rise of SEGA, the fall of SEGA (Speaking of which, Fuck you guys for turning Shining Force into a goddamn action game. Bastards), Sony hitting it big with the Playstation, almost losing it with the PS3, and Nintendo consistantly managing to be completly brilliant one moment (Gameboy, DS), to "Holy shit, are guys drinking from the same Kool Aid as M. Night Shamwow and Jack Emmert?" (Virtua Boy, Power Glove).
Why am I mentioning all this? Because quite frankly, I know games. I may not be the best player. I may not be a fancy reviewer getting paid hundreds of dollars to write magazine articles, or (In the case of the occasional Gamespot reviewer) to play games for five minutes and then pass judgement), but I know games. Which is why it's hard for me to sit back and be quiet about idiotic trends in gaming when I see 'em. Lately, game developers have been taking a "Less is more approach" when it comes to their UI's. And I can understand the thought process behind it... Why have lots of unnecessary info clogging up the screen and preventing you from seeing all the action?
The problem, however, comes when the game developer takes it TOO far. A prime example of this is with Tim Schafers "Brutal Legend". Now, before we continue, not that I am not saying that "Brutal Legend" is a bad game. It's not. In fact, it's a very *GOOD* game. Hell, Schafer has yet to make a *BAD* game (And the general neglect of Psychonauts by the average gaming public should be criminal, and a violation of the geneva convention). The problem is that, thanks to the "Less is more" philosophy, there are some glaring issues that keep it from being the truly fantastic game it rightfully *DESERVES* to be.
Case in point: The lack of a health bar. Sure, you regenerate health. And sure, the game gives you visual indication through the use of a screen that goes redder and redder as you take more damage... but the problem is, it's hard to really tell how badle your hurt. With a health bar, it becomes easier to judge when you can keep fighting while low on health, and what target may or may not be a greater priority based on how close you are to death. You don't get that with "Brutal Legends" way of telling you how close you are to death. Not only that, but I have to wonder how the colorblind would be affected by it.
Second is the fact that theres no minimap. This is probably one of the worst faults of the game, and something that I can't believe Schafer let into the final version. For one, you spend a decent amount of time driving around in Eddies car, the Deuce. Since theres no minimap, you either have to rely on switching back and forth between the map screen and the gameplay screen to make sure your properly oriented, OR rely on the idiotic shaft of light/turn signal combo, which makes it easier to get lost. Even worse, it's makes some tasks (Like the godawful Rack of Death minigames) a task in frustration since it's difficult as hell to tell where the enemies are going to come from when theres no radar blips, and you can't swivel down far enough to shoot enemies when they are right at the base of the "tower". And, since your NPC allies can only be controlled during these sequences by a general area target command, it makes the whole sequence a pain in the ass since you have to hope they attack the enemies you want. It's not fun, it's frustrating as hell, and worse that it could have been solved simply by adding a damn minimap.
Now, there are times when the "Less is more" works: Case in point, if your trying to make a historical FPS as realistic as possible, it makes sense not to give ammo counters, life bars, minimaps, ect, since it's not like George Washington led the US troops against the british with a GPS and medical alert bracelets for when his troops have fallen and can't get up. But in a game like "Brutal Legend", it just leads to more frustration then is worth it, and that's tragic.
Why am I mentioning all this? Because quite frankly, I know games. I may not be the best player. I may not be a fancy reviewer getting paid hundreds of dollars to write magazine articles, or (In the case of the occasional Gamespot reviewer) to play games for five minutes and then pass judgement), but I know games. Which is why it's hard for me to sit back and be quiet about idiotic trends in gaming when I see 'em. Lately, game developers have been taking a "Less is more approach" when it comes to their UI's. And I can understand the thought process behind it... Why have lots of unnecessary info clogging up the screen and preventing you from seeing all the action?
The problem, however, comes when the game developer takes it TOO far. A prime example of this is with Tim Schafers "Brutal Legend". Now, before we continue, not that I am not saying that "Brutal Legend" is a bad game. It's not. In fact, it's a very *GOOD* game. Hell, Schafer has yet to make a *BAD* game (And the general neglect of Psychonauts by the average gaming public should be criminal, and a violation of the geneva convention). The problem is that, thanks to the "Less is more" philosophy, there are some glaring issues that keep it from being the truly fantastic game it rightfully *DESERVES* to be.
Case in point: The lack of a health bar. Sure, you regenerate health. And sure, the game gives you visual indication through the use of a screen that goes redder and redder as you take more damage... but the problem is, it's hard to really tell how badle your hurt. With a health bar, it becomes easier to judge when you can keep fighting while low on health, and what target may or may not be a greater priority based on how close you are to death. You don't get that with "Brutal Legends" way of telling you how close you are to death. Not only that, but I have to wonder how the colorblind would be affected by it.
Second is the fact that theres no minimap. This is probably one of the worst faults of the game, and something that I can't believe Schafer let into the final version. For one, you spend a decent amount of time driving around in Eddies car, the Deuce. Since theres no minimap, you either have to rely on switching back and forth between the map screen and the gameplay screen to make sure your properly oriented, OR rely on the idiotic shaft of light/turn signal combo, which makes it easier to get lost. Even worse, it's makes some tasks (Like the godawful Rack of Death minigames) a task in frustration since it's difficult as hell to tell where the enemies are going to come from when theres no radar blips, and you can't swivel down far enough to shoot enemies when they are right at the base of the "tower". And, since your NPC allies can only be controlled during these sequences by a general area target command, it makes the whole sequence a pain in the ass since you have to hope they attack the enemies you want. It's not fun, it's frustrating as hell, and worse that it could have been solved simply by adding a damn minimap.
Now, there are times when the "Less is more" works: Case in point, if your trying to make a historical FPS as realistic as possible, it makes sense not to give ammo counters, life bars, minimaps, ect, since it's not like George Washington led the US troops against the british with a GPS and medical alert bracelets for when his troops have fallen and can't get up. But in a game like "Brutal Legend", it just leads to more frustration then is worth it, and that's tragic.
Monday, March 8, 2010
An open letter to the people at the Oscars
What the hell, guys? "Up" didn't win best picture?
FUCK YOU. Fuck you all TO HELL!
Sincerely,
Liquid Horatio X
FUCK YOU. Fuck you all TO HELL!
Sincerely,
Liquid Horatio X
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Dear Noid: Fuck you.
So, living out in the middle of nowhere, it's been next to impossible to get food delivered to me, especially pizza. Recently, I learned of a new Pizza Place that opened nearby named Big Tony's (Protip: They get +10 awesome points for actually using the phrase "Big Tony's has an offer you can't refuse!" as an ad slogan), and actually delivers to my place of living. Not only that, but they are currently running a special for a large pizza with up to seven toppings, for only $11. Suffice to say, I have been taking full advantage of this, especially once I found out that they included Blue Cheese as a pizza topping. (I loves me my blue cheese, as much as I love bacon and pepperoni).
When all is said and done, I managed to grind up five points in my heart attack skill in only two days. Yay!
When all is said and done, I managed to grind up five points in my heart attack skill in only two days. Yay!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
An open letter to Bubblegum vending machine suppliers
Dear Bubblegum vending machine suppliers,
Lemon and Coconut are not valid flavors of gum, Assholes.
Sincerely,
Liquid Horatio X
Lemon and Coconut are not valid flavors of gum, Assholes.
Sincerely,
Liquid Horatio X
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